Introductory Notes
Throughout this story I use terms like feminine and masculine as a way of characterizing the predominating energies of the individuals I encountered. These terms are not meant to make reference to a person’s sex or gender identity – it’s simply energy.
You will also find audio files embedded within some of the text throughout the story. Some of these clips are supplementary to the story, while others are [insightful story] tangents I added just for the fun of it. I hope you enjoy and are able to take something away from the experiences I share below.
As an exercise to get more in touch with mySelf and intuition, I’ll often go on walks with no set destination in mind – I’ll just walk in whichever direction I feel called or guided to go. This is how I’ve discovered so many hidden gems (e.g. restaurants, green spaces, shops, cafes, etc.), and it’s how I first came across the Blackbird Ordinary in my hometown.
It was a Monday afternoon, and I had just finished my first middle-school assignment as a substitute teacher. As middle-schoolers are notorious for being the rowdiest and most difficult school grades to sit in a classroom with, I wanted to celebrate my relatively smooth and insightful day with a leisurely stroll around the city. After enjoying some time sitting at a park, I got on the metromover and hopped off at a stop I had never been before. I then began roaming the streets with no real idea where I was headed, but secure in the fact that I could pull out the GPS if I got lost. I was on the lookout for any places that seemed to call out to me.
I walked until I somehow ended up right across the street from the Brickell metro station. Since I hadn’t felt inclined to check out any of the establishments I passed on my way, I resigned myself and decided to take the train back home. As I neared the station, I noticed a sign with a cute little blackbird hanging over a rather discrete establishment. I approached the front entrance and could hear that there was music playing inside. I was intrigued. I thought the place may have been some sort of bar. And because it was still daytime, I hesitated for a moment before deciding to go in and check the place out.
As I suspected, I walked into what looked like a [mostly empty] bar and was immediately drawn by the colorful, retro dance floor and vibe of the place. I was absolutely delighted to find that I had conveniently walked in during happy hour, which meant I could enjoy two drinks for the price of one. Say less. After ordering a spicy, tequila cocktail, I set my things down on the nearest bar stool and made my way to the colorful, lit-up dance floor. I then danced to my heart’s content in the almost completely empty bar for the next two hours. Just me, the bartender, and vibes. I walked out of Blackbird feeling so giddy and grateful that I had followed my intuition all the way to that cute little establishment. I then crossed the street and hopped on the train back home.
I intentionally visited Blackbird a few more times after that. But it wasn’t until my third visit that I discovered that it was actually SO much more than just a bar. To my wondrous surprise, Blackbird also turned out to be a very poppin’ dance venue in the evening that caters to the female demographic on Tuesday nights. Boy was I in for a treat. So on a fateful Tuesday night, I put on my rainbow dancing shoes, a cute lil’ fit, and set out to dance the night away until the morning came. I was particularly intent on dancing con un papi chulo that night – a [rigid] desire that would end up bringing my night to an abrupt and sobbing end.
That night, I walked into the venue to find it so full of Life and activity. The vibe was completely different from my first few visits to Blackbird. Before I even got the chance to take my coat off, I was approached by an elegant gentleman who greeted me with kind, flattering words. Off to a great start already. I grabbed a drink and we proceeded to make conversation by the bar. I found out that the man was a real estate investor from London who had recently opened a successful little hotel in South Beach. Perhaps he could be the ONE – the masculine that’ll sweep me off my feet on the dance floor. Once I had enough of talking, I excused myself from the fine gentleman to go do what I was there to do: DANCE. I was hoping that the gentleman would feel inclined to join me, but after standing against the wall watching me dance for a while he simply disappeared without a trace. Better luck next time.
While dancing on the lit-up floor under a mesmerizing disco ball, I noticed people entering and walking out of a corridor on the side of the room. There must be something in the back. My curiosity got the best of me and I decided to see where the corridor led. I found myself walking into an expansive and open dance floor – unlike the smaller room in the front I was solely familiar with until then. Blackbird continues to surprise. I immediately noticed the bright neon lights hanging up on the wall that read: ‘Where Lovers Meet’. Surely it was a sign (no pun intended).
I walked over to the bar for another drink and started shaking my lil’ booty to the music. As I was dancing and vibing, a beautifully Divine feminine approached and joined me for a quick lil’ dance. I was absolutely geeked when she started dancing dembow. I hyped her up while we joyfully f*cked up the dance floor together. Then we hugged as she extended an invite to join her and her friends in the VIP section at any point during the night. We then parted ways and I continued to dance and vibe in my little corner of the club. I lost count of how many [Divine] feminines I danced and interacted with after that. But with each encounter I felt more and more elevated as I continued to hype up the beautiful femmes around me and as they did the same for me. I felt like a lil’ fairy spreading joy and Love with each rhythmic step, each heart-felt smile, and each uplifting word. And I was immensely grateful for all the beautiful Angels who were in the club doing the same.
However, despite the pure fun I was having I was still stuck on my intent to dance with a fine a** masculine too. Even though I could feel the desire and gaze of several masculines on me that night, none seemed to be able to muster the courage to approach me. I was confused and a bit frustrated that the masculines did not come at me with the same ease as the feminines. Moments later I was watching one of the feminines I had befriended buss-it-down with a masculine who had asked for my number a while earlier. That’s the wave I’m trying to be on too. I had no choice but to walk over and hype her up because sis’ was truly putting in work and f*cking it all the way up with homeboy. Perhaps I’m just too intimidating for these masculines. Still, I could not let go of my desire to dance with at least one of them that night. After all, this was the place where Lovers meet. Surely there was at least one masculine there for me too. This desire would indeed eventually attract an interaction with a masculine that seemed to be more confident than the others – though it was a far cry from the kind I was hoping for.
Naturally, the venue became more and more crowded as the night progressed. In search of a spot with a bit more space for me to continue to dance freely in, I inched closer and closer to the VIP section in the back. The rope that usually separates the section off was undone and stayed that way for a good while, so I took this as an invitation to step into the open area. The section was inhabited by the same homeboy who had asked for my number, so I figured him and his crew probably wouldn’t have minded my presence being a little closer to theirs. As I was gleefully dancing and enjoying the bit of extra space, I was finally approached by one of homeboy’s friends. This is it – the dance I had anticipated all night. Man oh man was I in for a very RUDE awakening.
It turned out that this particular masculine was a karmic. So when he approached it was not to ask me to dance nor even to make friendly conversation, but to tell me to step out of the VIP area that they had reserved. I swiftly stepped out of the area while he made a noted effort to close the rope back up behind me. I was crushed. Deflated. Confused. Were my vibes not good enough? Perhaps I had [quite literally] overstepped my boundaries, though I honestly felt that I had done nothing to warrant such a mean reaction. Still, I could not hold back the flood of tears nor the intense sadness that the karmic interaction had elicited. So there I was, silently crying my eyes out in the middle of the dance floor after having been on cloud 9 just moments before.
The [Divine] feminines seemed to have intuitively picked up on my distress because many more approached me to dance and talk immediately after the incident. It felt as though each of their Spirits were trying their best to console mine. The most beautiful part was that they probably didn’t even realize the depth of my despair in that moment nor that I was crying at all (since I tried to hide it by continuing to dance with my colored-shades on). It’s true, I could have simply inched a few steps to the left into the VIP section I had been invited to earlier in the night. But as hard as I tried, I could not ease the heaviness in my chest nor shake thoughts of the incident. So I left. I cut my night-out short and left Blackbird so as to not ruin anyone else’s good time.
Once outside, I sat on a little bench in the Underline for the good part of an hour and released the flood gates that had been holding back my torrential tears. I was utterly devastated and at the moment I couldn’t understand why. But what I did know was that the incident had triggered a deep-seated wound my Soul had been harboring (as such is the nature of karmic interactions). I felt so let down and betrayed by the masculines I had been so intent on interacting with that when I got back home that night I went so far as to cut off communication and cease interactions with the masculine(s) I consider to be the Love(s) of my Life. If only they had been by my side this would have never happened. Being as self-aware as I am though, I knew that they were not really to blame. I knew that the incident was simply meant to help reveal a part of myself that still needed healing, nurturing, and attention.
The next day, the same homeboy who had asked for my number called me to hangout. Out of nowhere he mentioned how his friend had thrown up all over himself the previous night, and I immediately knew he was referring to the same offending masculine that had kicked me out of their exclusive space. Funny enough, homeboy and I didn’t even end up hanging out. But it seems the Universe/Spirit/God/Source was working through him to make sure I knew the situation had been handled – that the karmic had paid the price for being an arrogant a**hole.
It wasn’t until I healed my own [internal] masculine and began writing about this experience months later that I realized the true significance and lessons in the occurrences of that night. I wrote about some of my initial thoughts and feelings in a post titled ‘To All Who Identify With Masculine Energies’. And though still relevant, that message came from a more unhealed place than the insights I gained later on and write about here. Like how the masculine’s hesitance to approach me that night may have been due to their subconscious (or conscious) knowing that they would not have been able to positively contribute to the Divine energy I was bringing to the floor. Or how their reluctance may have been a reflection of my own [subconscious] lack of confidence and uncertainty with regards to the [Divine] work that calls to my Soul. This is mostly because it is work that requires me to confidently and effectively socialize and [verbally] communicate my thoughts to others – something that has always been particularly challenging for me as an autie (i.e. someone on the autism spectrum).
It’s equally possible that my rigid expectations and desire that night [energetically] kept the masculines from interacting with me more. I say this because releasing all expectations for my interactions with others on my following visit to Blackbird seemed to have [energetically] opened up more inviting space for all kinds of feminine and masculine energies to interact and dance with me – more on this a little later though. Deeper still was the realization that the reason why I had such an extreme reaction to a seemingly small incident was due to the not-too-distant (and not yet completely healed) pain of being unjustly pushed out of an academic space that I knew I had the right and ability to be in. Of course, in that instance I had the option of staying as well.
But just like at Blackbird, my mental fortitude, my heart, and Spirit had all taken too big of a hit for me to simply act as if nothing had happened. I needed time to recover. And as I was sadly made aware of, there was no space there for me to take more breaks or take things at a slower pace in order to account for all the extra time that I would need to rest and recover. And even though the [Divine] feminines around me back then and at Blackbird – most of which were Black woman and other femmes of Color – stepped in to make sure I knew that my presence was wanted and appreciated1, I was simply unable to withstand being in a space that was even mildly hostile to my Being.
Just as a mother would want to take their child out of an environment that is causing them harm, so too did my mothering instincts kick in so that I could take myself out of a toxic situation (though it certainly felt like a great sacrifice at the time). Though I stayed and stood my ground for as long as I felt was needed (in both cases), in the end I did not believe that it was worth my time nor energy to continue to deprive myself of the space I needed to fully grieve and heal. So in both cases, I left – but not before first asserting my [self-]worth and right to BE.
Some time passed before I visited Blackbird again after the incident. But when I did, boy oh boy was I in for an even BIGGER treat. The next time around, all I thought to myself was: I hope I have a fun time tonight. This simple yet powerful and hopeful thought opened up a WORLD of possibility and fun that night – the most fun I had on a solo outing EVER. I made so many new friends, including beautiful fellow queer Angels who made the night all the more magical. I was bumping, grinding, whining, bouncing, besando, salseando, llorando (happy tears), y agarrando to’ los cuties del club esa noche. I was even escorted to a VIP section by a couple of cuties, but immediately made my way back out to continue vibing with the rest of the crowd. Again, the [Divine] feminines SHOWED UP and SHOWED OUT baby. But the masculines did too this time. This time a lot more of them approached me to talk and even to dance – I can’t say any of them swept me off my feet, but they still get an A for effort.
After dancing the night away to my feet and heart’s content, I was finally ready to leave Blackbird. Thankfully, this time it was on a much higher note than the last – I was even invited to get food afterwards by a kind and fine gentleman. I could not have asked for a better night. And all this was because I learned the lesson from my previous visit and let go of expectations, leaving ample space for the Universe to surprise me in the most beautiful way. Not only did I regain and multiply the magic I had lost at Blackbird after the prior incident, but I also recovered more of the confidence, self-assurance, and magic I had lost after my traumatic experience in academia.
It’s funny how such an unrelated and seemingly trivial event – dancing at the club – could help heal the remnants of this massive and deep-seated wound. It just goes to show that even when it least feels like it, the Universe/Source/God/Spirit is always working in favor of our Highest Good. Had I let the hurt and humiliation of my experiences keep me down, I would not have been able to reap the Divine blessings that resulted from my willingness and determination to try again in a more elevated way.
And make no mistake my Loves, Karma will come for all the mean bullies and arrogant gatekeepers. It may take time, but it is simply the law of the Universe.
1 Shout-out to all the beautiful friends who stood by me and offered their support during that very difficult time!
